Tongue Twisters

One of the things I most appreciate about the Orthodox Church is its long memory. I love that we keep a record of so many martyrs and pious people- that we know their names, hometowns, etc.

But at the same time, as a choir director, I must admit that this memory makes for some tricky singing. My memories of seminary include several instances where an odd-sounding name or funny phrase inspired giggling from the soprano or alto stand in the choir.

Today, I was looking ahead at what saints we'd be singing for Vespers on Thursday and was greeted with one of the most preposterous lists of names:

August 22:

Martyr Agathonicus of Nicomedia and his companions (were their names so hard that even the Church couldn't hang on to them?

Martyrs Zoticus, Theoprepius, Acindynus, Severian & Zeno and others.

Athanasius of Tarsus (the easiest one in the bunch)

Venerable Anthusa with her servants Charesimus and Neophytus (umm... I'm used to servants having short names related to flora like Rose & Daisy).

Hieromartyr Gorazd, bishop of Bohemia. Was he martyred by artists and vagrants? No- died in 1942, which means Communists.

St Bogolep the Baker, disciple of Paisius of Uglich. So much to play with here.

First, I wondered how to prounounce that last word. Ooglick? Ugleech?

And then his name- Bogolep, which seems more like an action word than a proper noun. As in-

Who left their skates on the the landing? I stepped on them and bogolepped all the way down the stairs!

Apparently Bogolep is the Russian form of Theoprepius, listed above; that's why Bogolep is commemorated today. Oh, and when he wasn't finding wonderworking icons of the Theotokos in the woods, he baked the bread for the monastery.

And my favorite: Virgin Martyr Eulalia of Barcelona.

Isn't Eulalia the name of an aged aunt in a Victorian comedic play? And Barcelona? Surely Eulalias live in England. Wouldn't Esperanza be more appropriate for a Spanish virgin martyr?

I looked her up too. It's the common virgin martyr story- woman raised by pious parents, refuses to renounce her faith even though horrifically tortured. But my favorite part of her hagiography was the description of her pious childhood: she occupied her time with prayer, reading scripture, and handicrafts.

Handicrafts?

They probably mean spinning, weaving, embroidery and the like, but to me, the word handicrafts conjures up images of papier mache and lamp bases covered in sea shells you got on your recent trip to Key West.

Still, none of these delicious names compare with three sisters named Menodora, Metrodora, and Nymphadora.

My only problem: which one of these would work best for my eldest daughter?