Finally, a new post

Think of a time when you gave a special gift to someone you love. Why did you give it to them? What reaction from them did you want?

As part of a college course, I went on a trip to Paris in January of 2000. While there, I visited the Cathedral of St Alexander Nevsky on the Rue Daru. Across the street was a Russian shop that sold religious books, icons, and gift items. In a glass case, I spied a beautiful wooden egg, hand painted, with an icon of St Nicholas. I instantly thought of my mom, whose patron is St Nicholas, so I asked to see it. It was incredibly expensive, especially for a college student. It would take all of the money I had left, meaning I would dip into money for books for next semester. So I reluctantly gave the egg back.

I thought about the egg the rest of the day, and even lay awake part of the night, picturing my mother's face upon receiving it. The next day, I went back to the shop, dragging a friend along. She helped me recalculate the exchange from francs to dollars, only to reaffirm that my first calculation had been correct. But in the end, I bought the egg (thank goodness for used textbooks!).

This was in January. It was all I could do not to give it Mom the minute I arrived stateside. But I kept the egg hidden away, past Pascha, my parents' anniversary, her birthday, and even St Nicholas Day, until Christmas.

And how do you think my mother reacted when she opened the box and unwrapped the egg? Did she say, "Finally! Someone gave me the kind of gift I deserve!"? Or did she say, "How could you? I can't accept this! How could you spend such a fortune on me? I'm such a bad person, a lowly wretch unworthy of anything, let alone such a thing as this!"

Of course not! She gave the reaction everyone hopes for when they give a precious gift to someone they love. "Oh!" she gasped. "It's beautiful!" She turned the egg slowly in her hands, and then showed it to everyone else. "Where did you find it?" she asked, then after I told her how I'd found it in Paris, said, "I love it! Thank you!" and then straightaway put it on the mantle.

When someone gives you a special gift or says "I love you," you don't pridefully say, "Well, you should- I deserve it!" nor do you fall over yourself protesting your absolute unworthiness of such love. Everyone knows that when told "I love you," the fitting response is, "I love you, too."

The reason I tell this story is because I've been re-thinking self-esteem lately. Let me explain:

Someone taught me a long time ago that we Orthodox don't believe in self-esteem; it's basically equated with pride in oneself. This person seemed to think that one should never believe oneself to be of worth or significance, but that the true Christian sees himself as utterly wretched; completely unworthy of the gifts bestowed on us by God.



Someone else recently said to me, "If you want more faith, you must believe that God is who He says He is, and that you are who He says you are."


So I consider these things: when God made us, He did not say, "Eww... look at this utterly worthless worm I have made." No, He said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over... every creeping things that creeps upon the earth." I have trouble believing that God would create us in His own image, give us dominion over the other good things He made, and then, despite our rebelliousness, sacrifice His own Son if He didn't think we were worth it.


Humility comes from the realization that our significance has nothing to do with our merits. My worth is not a result of how smart, good, or talented I may be. Rather, my life is worthwhile because I am worthwhile to God.

I think self-esteem isn't pride or confidence in oneself, but confidence in God. Saying, "I am worthwhile," or "I am significant," or "I am special," isn't pride, it's an assertion of God's love. You can repent of your sins/ recognize your weaknesses, but still be confident of the worth of your life in God's eyes.

Consider Psalm 8:

When I look at the heavens, the work of Thy fingers... What is man that Thou art mindful of him, and the son of man that Thou dost care for him? Yet Thou hast made him little less than God, and dost crown him with glory and honor. Thou hast given him dominion over the works of Thy hands; Thou hast put all things under his feet.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I God thinks we worthy of the blood of His Son, then who are we to argue?